sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
