dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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