battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
