I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
