There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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