The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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