I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
