and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
