K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
