Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
