I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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