I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
