one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
