You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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