so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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