There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
