U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
