You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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