Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
