So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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