I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
