It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
