Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
