i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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