The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
