dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
