i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
