I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
