I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That's intense
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
