I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
