You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
