I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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