Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
