I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
