i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
