I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
