I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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