Your dad touched me again.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
