Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
