I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I cut my penus on the lid.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
we should paint friendship bongs
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