the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
