Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
