Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
