I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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