You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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