There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
