i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
