think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
