it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
