you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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