Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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