What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
