i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
