Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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